Ok, I know it's called "Aquariums" but...

Hell, what's really bugging me lately is weight.

I was tired of gaining weight back, but I hadn't owned a scale in over three years. So I bought one and omg... surprise! I'm at 307 pounds. what? I've never weighed that much and I'm still wearing size 22 pants! Once upon a time, I weighed 280 pounds and I wore size 26 jeans. So, what's different? I probably have more muscle mass this time around. But that's really no excuse for being "Morbidly Obese".

Luckily! I'm still very physically active. I just eat too much.

I was noticing today, after Aikido class, that I wasn't... "starving" but I was feeling "peckish". And I asked myself, "What do you want to eat?" and myself said, "I want Reese's Peanut Butter Cups! Like, a lot of them. Or a Dairy Queen Blizzard."

And I said, "hmmmm... that DOES sound good!" but then the smart section of my brain said, "No. Seriously, what the hell? Just no. That's NOT what we eat anymore! Remember? 307 pounds? You wanna die of a heart attack?" So I went to Subway and got a sandwich, but I'm still "peckish" - not at ALL hungry. in fact, I'm so full, I feel like I should throw up. But I still want to eat. Why is that? Am I stressed?

I should learn to do something else when I'm stressed, so I'm going to try blogging... Oya, and drinking water.

Lots of water.

What am I planning on doing to lose weight?

Well, while drastic surgery HAD crossed my mind (and re-crossed it, and circled around, and crossed it again...) I know I'm a healthy and active relatively young (27 years old this year) And I've been reading blogs of people who have lost a lot of weight, though the ones I've seen that have done it successfully had a surgery. *sigh*

I refuse to think negatively, however. I know I can do it, because I've done it before.

So - I'm in Aikido classes three days a week, and Tai Chi one day a week. The rest of the time, I rest. I have a bad shoulder and bad knees, so I like to keep them iced when I'm not using them actively...

I plan to give up chocolate. I LOVE it. I love it so much. But it has given me nothing but pounds to carry around and that's not a very good relationship, is it? So this is it, Chocolate. I'm breaking up with you. I know we've been together for a very long time, but I'm publicly breaking up with you now. I'm sorry, I'm sure you'll find someone else. It's not you, it's me. Well, it's you, in me that's the problem.

There.

Now I gotta break up with Soda.

Taaaaa for now.

-Alyssa